BOOZE TYPE: Beer
PRICE: $4.99 at the Whole Foods Bowery Beer Room
RATING: B

It finally feels like October! Like a week before the end of October. As I told my roommate, I want my money back. (”For… October?” she asked. “Did you make a down payment?” “Yes,” I said. “Impulse purchase.”) It is chilly, and I am on vacation from work until Tuesday because my mom is coming to visit and I am very excited, as she is the lady responsible for me being such a lush.

So! I filled up a growler, and got something for myself to sip on whilst I wait for her to arrive from the airport. I love pumpkin beer madly, so I picked one of the larger bottles off the cold shelf. The nice guy who has served me there before, Jon, asked me if I’d had it before, and said it was an interesting one–very pumpkiny, and with a high alcoholic punch.

This does have 9% alcohol, and… wow, it is definitely a pumpkin brew like no other. Most pumpkin ales taste more like ale than pumpkin, but this one gets directly in your face with a heavy toasted sweet scent, like Halloween candy. The beer really is remarkably sweet. There’s caramel malt in the mix, and that comes out strongly, making the final taste in your mouth something akin to candy corn. The scent reminds me of the ridiculous pumpkin scents from goth perfume warehouse Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab.

So, it’s weird, and it’s sweet, and it’s pumpkiny. Do I like it? …yeah, I’d say so. It’s one of the weirdest beers I’ve tasted, but it’s good to mix things up. Most other pumpkin brews start to taste a little the same after a while, without much variety in the mix. And, unexpectedly, this went quite well with a spicy chipotle lamb chili!

BUY IT AGAIN: Probably not, honestly, unless I want to go “Taste this!!” at someone.

BOOZE TYPE: Wine
PRICE: $9.99 at Astor Center
RATING: A

After two bottles of that big zin I was drinking in my last post (which did indeed drive me to book travel to San Francisco again), it was time for a little dip back into the whites pool. Good for the unseasonably humid October we are having in New York. NUTS TO YOU, WEATHER.

I wanted something already chilled that I could drink as soon as I got home, and this had the right price, and a nice staff pick card on it talking about how it had the scent of ‘wet sand’. Well, I don’t know about that, but there is something nice and moist and earthy in the aroma. There’s also a mineral flintiness there in the scent that I like a lot.

This is exactly the sort of white wine that I can’t get enough of: fresh, tart, and mineral. No fruity flavors or buttery heaviness here, just crisp wine that almost puckers the tongue. It’s got a lot of minerality up front, which I love… that element in wines is such an unusual thing to me that I still can’t quite get enough of it. Like flint or chalk or limestone, but in a good way.

Not too complex of a wine, and not a great pair with the, uh, roast beef sandwich I had for dinner, but just pleasant and drinkable. As it opened up, it took on a little spiciness throughout, just an extra little zing! on the tongue. I think this would go great with some spicier Asian food. Perfect for the price.

BUY IT AGAIN: Sure! To go with some spicier Asian food!

BOOZE TYPE: Wine
PRICE: $19.99 at Astor (on sale for $16.99)
RATING: A+

First off, let me say hello to all the folks who are coming in via the PC Magazine Top 100 Blogs story. I am glad that you either got all the way to the end of the list of blogs to find my contribution, or that you actually had an interest in the blogs of PC Magazine staffers. Hi! I’m a lush.

Anyway, it’s red wine time! Red red wiiiiine. I’ve been vaguely plotting going out to California again sometime soon, so I picked up a Sonoma wine tonight. The Seghesio Zinfandel has such a powerful aroma that I can smell it strongly while the glass is sitting three feet behind me on my dresser. Up directly under the nose, it’s a serious powerhouse of heavy, spicy red scents.

And the taste? This is one of the few wines that has made me immediately say “Wow!” after the first sip. This really knocks my socks off. It gives an immediate strong hit of flavor, sweet and fruity on the tip of the tongue, spicy throughout, and with a bit of smokiness on the finish. Goddamn, this is making me really wish I had a bigass steak to go with this wine right now. This just begs to go with meat.

Okay, that’s it, it’s time to book a flight out to California. And keep drinking this wine, which–no exaggeration here–gives me shivers down my back. And will probably lay me out on my back, due to the 15.2% alcohol content. For a $20 wine? Just outstanding. Words won’t really do it justice… this one, you need to try.

BUY IT AGAIN?: Oh, mama, yes.

BOOZE TYPE: Wine
PRICE: $14.99 (on sale for $12.74) at Astor
RATING: A

I put a cap on the end of a stressful week of working in the mines by swinging in to the liquor store on my way home to get some goddamned booze. And, since Astor Wines is a lovely place that has tastings every Thursday-Sunday, I was there in time for a tasting. I had some weird but pleasant maple vodka, grabbed the bottle of bourbon I’d come in to get, and then got caught by the wine tasting area on the way out.

Now, I know I said recently that I could basically never drink another Chardonnay again as long as I lived and still be happy, but when I came up to the tasting table, the woman doing the pouring said the beautiful words “completely un-oaked”, and I thought it was definitely worth a taste. I tried the 2006 and found it quite delightful. The tasting lady said that the 2005 was “delicious”, and she said it with emphasis, so I went and snagged that off the shelf.

And it’s true! It is delicious! As promised, entirely unoaked. I’m a big fan of this whole stainless steel thing; it tends to lend a nice hint of minerality to a wine. The aroma is sharp and fruity, and the first impression on the tongue is acidity and a taste of apples. This is crisp upfront, but smooth and a little creamy on the finish.

This wine is very pleasant, and might just give me hope for chardonnay again.

BUY IT AGAIN: Could happen!

BOOZE TYPE: Wine
PRICE: $24.99 at Astor Center (Although I got a store card discount for $21.99!)
RATING: A-

I’m just going to be upfront about this: I bought this wine because I’m a sucker for a gimmick. The store had a couple of bottles sitting upright on one of the shelves, and it caught my eye because the cork looked like it was all made of white wax, or something similar. And when I investigated more closely, I was even more interested, because this stuff was shiny.

Because this wine? Has gold flakes in it.

I did a whole two laps and a half around the store (which is what I do when I’m thinking about whether or not I should buy something that’s a little silly and a little out of the range that I wanted to spend) before I came back to get this one. This’ll probably be the last white I buy for a while, since finally, finally temperatures are starting to drop, and I will be able to drink red wine again without wanting to suicide. I decided to whip out the credit card and be stupid to get a stupid-looking, shinyshiny wine.

The wine is a mix of Gewürztraminer, Viognier, and Chardonnay. Two of those three grapes I just love, and I could basically never drink another goddamned Chardonnay in my life and be happy (although I suppose that would be a good goal for me: to find chardonnays that don’t just make me roll my eyes), so I had a feeling the wine might have something beyond its shiny gimmick. My expectations were low, since, well, the bottle was full of gold, but after I let my roommate take a bunch of pictures of the shimmery bottle, I cracked it open and ended up quite pleased.

I initially overchilled this (stuck it in the freezer and then got distracted wrestling my kitchen window open and peeling two heads of garlic), so my first impressions were ‘ah, it’s cold! And it’s white wine!’ But as it returned to a more reasonable temperature, I got some nice scents and flavors. This had a very good aroma; something between pears and peaches, and a little bit of honey. The gold flakes had the benefit of getting me to swirl it a lot to keep them from settling at the bottom, so I kept getting waves of the bouquet. On the tongue, this wine was very acidic–mouth-puckeringly so–but not citrusy at all. Each sip of it just made me want to drink more… despite the acidity, it had a taste of very wet fruits–pear, peach, melon. I really quite enjoyed it. It went well with the massively garlic and chorizo heavy soup I made for dinner tonight.

This wine, while ridiculous, was fun, and almost good enough to justify the price. At the end of the day, though, I’m just wondering if drinking this whole bottle tonight is going to leave me shitting sparkles.

BUY IT AGAIN?: Depends on whether or not I shit sparkles. IS THAT A GOOD THING OR A BAD THING? YOU MAKE THE CALL.

BOOZE TYPE: WINE
PRICE: $11.00 at Freshdirect.com
RATING: A-

Tonight I’m making poulet sautè aux herbes de Provence, and the major ingredient is white wine, so I picked up something French in my Freshdirect shoppings! Nearly half the bottle went into the pot, and the rest is going into a glass and into my belly.

This is very interesting and kind of complex. The scent has a fruity, floral hit at first, and then when I really stick my nose deep in the glass, I got the smell of apples. The first sip was explosive and odd; this has more alcohol content than most wines I’ve been drinking lately, so I can feel my tongue pucker from it. It’s really quite pleasing. Upfront it’s a little sweet and citrusy, but in the aftermath there’s some grassiness, something woody. …I feel like I’m just using all my wine words I know here, but this is a really interesting wine that keeps me sipping and going “Hmm. Hmm! Hmm.“

It was also very good in the chicken. I mean! Poulet!

BUY IT AGAIN: Yes, so I can drink a whole bottle and figure out these flavors.

BOOZE TYPE: Sparkling Wine
PRICE: $11.99 at Astor Center
RATING: A

Astor Center has moved its Moscato d’Asti wines into its Cool Room (a lovely glassed-off room that’s kept at a chilly 57° at all times), or maybe they’ve always been there and the store is just now putting up signs saying that’s where they are. In any case, I’m grateful, because I could never find the stuff before. I think the first time I had it was as part of the ridiculous and wonderful tasting menu I had at the best dinner of my life at wd-50, where it appeared late in the courses, after many, many other glasses of wine. I think that’s what it was, at least. Like I said, many glasses of wine. Delightful and bubbly and sweet, just perfect for dessert.

My last experience with Moscato was with the Death in the Afternoon cocktails I was making with my bottle of Lucid Absinthe (which, I will report, was all drunk up in less than a week. ….I had help.) That was sweet and pleasant, but I wanted to try it on its own, so I picked up one of the lower priced bottles, that had a placard that talked about how it would be paired well with yellow cake. Presumably not uranium, but what do I know about wine pairings?

As I sipped this, nicely chilled and so very gently bubbly, I was delighted by how softly sweet it was, but spent a while being puzzled by what the fruity taste was. Apricot? I thought. Peach? And then I went, well, no, dumbass, what this tastes exactly like is Muscat Gummy (”Its translucent color so alluring and taste and aroma so gentle and mellow offer admiring feelings of a graceful lady. Enjoy soft and juicy Kasugai Muscat Gummy.”) Shocking, that something made of muscat grapes would taste like this candy. Shocking, indeed!

In any case, this wine is very pleasant, with a low alcohol content that keeps it light on the tongue and very sweet indeed.

BUY IT AGAIN: Yum, yes.

BOOZE TYPE: Wine
PRICE: $17.99 at Astor Center
RATING: A

Weather has blissfully, beautifully cooled in New York City, and we’re rolling into my favorite time of year, which also means my favorite foods and beverages. I can put the whites away and get to enjoying red wine again without it making me sweat! (I am a fat Southerner, you see, so hot food and red wine make me break into a sweat.) Central Italian wines were on sale today, and I’m making tomato sauce, so off I went!

I’m not sure if I’ve ever actually had a chianti before, but this is definitely a good starting point. The back of the bottle recommended letting this open up some, so I poured a glass and then worked on prepping dinner. Coming back to it a half hour later, I’m finding it incredibly enjoyable. It’s got a rich, red scent that reminds me of a lot of other amazing wines I’ve had, and the scent automatically takes me back to good memories of being with my wine fiend friends in San Francisco. It’s rich in the mouth, tannic without being overwhelming, to make for a very smooth feel. On the tongue it has a nice acidity without too much sweetness, and my favorite part is the finish, which has a woody, smokey taste. Lovely for this weather, and it should go well with tomatoes.

BUY IT AGAIN: Quite possibly!

BOOZE TYPE: Absinthe!!
PRICE: $59.99 at Astor Center
RATING: A+

Since I was a ridiculous goth teenager, I have had wild fantasies about drinking absinthe. It’s very likely that these fantasies starred Gary Oldman, or possibly Trent Reznor. There was even a point in my life where I tried to make my own absinthe, sending a friend to pick up the right herbs, and stealing my mom’s vodka to seal the whole mess up in a mason jar. I was never brave enough to drink it, but the bonus of that experiences was that when my mom later drank that vodka (after I had filled it back up with water to cover up what I had stolen), she kept commenting on how smoooooth it was. Hilarity!

I’ve considered importing absinthe from other countries, at risk of it getting snatched by customs or being a terrible product, but now getting the green stuff is as simple as going down to my beloved corner liquor store, thanks to Lucid finding legal loopholes to bring absinthe back to the US for the first time in, what, 90 years?

First things first, no, absinthe doesn’t make you hallucinate. Or if it does, it has nothing to do with the wormwood or the amount of thujone. Any crazed effects are due to the fact that this stuff is a solid 62% alcohol, which is a serious kick in the drawers. I drank it in the classic fashion involving sugar and water, although since I lacked a traditional slotted absinthe spoon (they just don’t have them in the Martha Stewart Living collection at K-Mart, for some reason), I used a wire mesh tea ball that I inexplicably have. I poured around an ounce of absinthe into a wine glass, then put a sugar cube in the tea ball and dribbled icy cold SmartWater (because we all know that Oscar Wilde loved his SmartWater! I strive for accuracy) over it. I had been sort of doubtful that cold water would dissolve the sugar, but it most certainly did! And the absinthe in the glass became a beautiful milky green-white, and gave off a strong herbal absinthe smell.

I was bracing myself for a rough, bitter experience, and got nothing of the sort! Lucid consumed in this manner was sweet and lovely. Anise was the strongest flavor, naturally, and there were some other herbs that I couldn’t quite place, but they stirred some sort of nostalgia in me, probably for when I was a gothy teenager and always messing around with herbs. The sugar made it nicely sweet, and it was a little tongue-numbing, with just a twist of bitterness in the finish. I tried a little (very little; I just dipped my finger in the glass) of it straight, and I could still taste sweetness in it without the sugar-water dilution, but good god, it was far too strong to drink straight.

I also consumed Lucid in the form of Ernest Hemingway’s “Death in the Afternoon” cocktail: “Pour one jigger absinthe into a Champagne glass. Add iced Champagne until it attains the proper opalescent milkiness. Drink three to five of these slowly.” I used a possibly too-sweet Moscato d’Asti, and only made it slowly through two, but it made a very nice combination. Bubbly absinthe! Delicious.

And finally, the effects. No, I did not hallucinate, but man, it was a drunkenness like no other. The brand name is very apt, since drinking a very small amount (the price point isn’t so painful when you consider how much of an incredible bang for the buck you’re getting) put me into this very clear, bright state of lucid drunkeness. I was hammered both nights I drank the absinthe, but I didn’t feel really hampered or clumsy or slow. I felt like a genius. I wanted to write novels! I had coherent conversations, and felt utterly fantastic. If possible, I would like to feel like I have two glasses of absinthe in me at all times. Is “Absinthe Fiend” still a valid profession? …no? Oh, rats.

Next up will be experimenting with more cocktails. I just have to see how this would mesh with some Hendrick’s Gin.

BUY IT AGAIN: As often as my budget allows. I will be making my budget allow for a lot of it.

I wrote up a little piece for the paycheck-place called 10 Sites for Boozehounds.

You know, other than this one! …I exercised self-restraint in not dropping the boozymcguzzles.com URL in the story itself, so I can’t keep myself from posting it here. I can only do so much!